I was recently introduced to Goofus and Gallant, little cartoon boys who taught children manners! What the strips don’t show, though, is that Goofus eventually made a name for himself as a freelance journalist because the world rewards assholes and Gallant ended up stuck in a dead-end job because he was always too polite.
Maybe Goofus doesn’t piss on his hands, like Gallant does?
Goofus is probably eating because his parents are fighting behind him and food equals love. So don’t judge him.
Sneezers are annoying, everyone knows that.
Goofus just doesn’t want to waste any more time. Would you ever thank Gallant for explaining what he had done? No. You’d say, “Whatever,” and hang up.