A History of Our Thanksgivings

2001: At the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade, where I was under dressed and in the “silent” zone, which meant that all the bands and floats drifted past without making a noise. (It wasn’t until a decade later that I realized that possibly one of the reasons I had not quite a great time was because it was two months after 9/11.) That night, I had Thanksgiving dinner with some fellow campus holdouts and watched Brad Pitt guest star on Ftriends while we ate terrible pumpkin pie. The baker forgot to add flour.

2002: A friend and I packed screwdrivers to go and went to the movie theater down the street to see Solaris.

2003: Alone in my dorm room, eating a sweet potato pie (professionally baked) and watching The Little Foxes.

2004: At a friend’s apartment in Hell’s Kitchen, where a girl named Katlain and I became fast, boozy friends. As the party broke up, she and I grabbed a cab to the East Village, where we sipped more cocktails and smoked in Korova Milk Bar, then did shots of Jameson at The Raven. We ended up going back to her apartment, where sex was in the air but I opted instead to pass out in her roommate’s empty room.

2005: I woke up late and depressed, before eating half of a Paula Dean ooey-gooey peanut butter cake. Then a friend and I picked up a bottle of Wild Turkey (festive!) and, after dinner at Veselka, grabbed bottles of Coke and saw The Ice Harvest in Union Square. The night was so cold that as we walked to the West Village, we had to keep stopping to take swigs from the Wild Turkey, which was quickly emptied as we refilled our glasses at a bar. My friend fell in with a crowd who wanted to take her to another gay bar, while I made time with a beautiful younger gentleman. I put my friend in a cab, and then the beautiful younger gentleman and I went back to his Queens apartment. She called me at 4 a.m. to tell me she just woke up on the floor of her building’s hallway because she couldn’t get into her apartment…before she realized that she was in the wrong building. As the beautiful younger gentleman slept, I asked her what his name was. He and I had a date a few days later, which began with him doing an impression of my voice and ended when he told me of his upbringing as a Christian Scientist and his drag alter ego.

2006: I tagged along with a friend and her family for an Upper West Side Thanksgiving, during which I managed to not get smashed.

2007: My downstairs neighbor and I woke up late from a messy night and then spent the day eating Chinese food, watching Gypsy, The Little Mermaid, and Go, and washing Vicodin down with Ole Granddad. The night ended when I excused myself to vomit.

2008 on, I stayed sober and indoors.

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